On the morning of July 8, 2010, I woke up and couldn’t talk. I was making sounds, but not words. I thought I had clenched my teeth too tightly and needed to stretch my mouth. It continued to worsen. As I ate my breakfast, I decided I should probably call my Cardiologist’s office. I was told to go to the nearest ER right away. My husband had already gone to work. I called him. I explained that he needed to come home and take me to the hospital.

This whole time my mind is not accepting the fact that I am having a stroke, which is pretty normal. I entered the ER. The doctor asked me what was wrong. All I did was cry. I tried to say I was having a stroke.

Over the next two days, while in the hospital, my stroke subsided and did not progress into something horrible. I found out I had experienced an ischemic stroke of the Frontal, Parietal, and Wernicke’s areas.

AREAS OF THE BRAIN

After returning home I became overwhelmed with a feeling of extreme fear. What was I going to eat that wasn’t going to clog my arteries and cause another stroke, or even death? How much exercise do I need to do to keep my blood from clotting? Even though the neurologist explained that I had no more chance of having another stroke than the person on the street, it did not help my fears. I went through the cupboards and refrigerator, and threw out any processed and junk foods, and anything that wasn’t American Heart Association-suggested. For the first year, I only ate food on the AMA L(American Medical Association) suggested cholesterol diet. I just knew I was going to have another stroke if I didn’t watch what I was eating, and it was going to be bad.

The other feeling that seems to crop up for stroke survivors, is anger. This is very understandable. When a traumatic event happens to us to change everything in our lives, we become angry. Nothing will ever be the same. This does not mean our lives are over. On the contrary, it is just going in a different direction. You have the choice as to the direction you choose.

I can’t say I experienced the anger. This is probably because my deficits were in my brain and not in my body. I did feel some anger at myself for ending up in a position to have the stroke. I realized that not watching what I was eating and not getting enough exercise put me here. Later I did notice some deficits, although not outwardly obvious. My left side didn’t move the way I wanted it to all the time. This was causing some accidents and an interesting experience. One night lying in bed with my eyes closed I tried to scratch my nose. I missed my nose! This is known as Asomatognosia. Asomatognosia (also Somatoagnosia) is described here by Wikipedia:

This was strange but I just added it to the list of new understanding of my stroke. Just like the total exhaustion I felt on most days. There was no thinking, ‘Gee, I think I might take a nap’. It was, I’m going to take a nap now. I’m almost 15 years post-stroke and still have those tired days. They are now just part of life.

As part of my speech therapy, I decided to do tongue twisters to enhance my brain-to-mouth coordination. Over time my speech improved. I still have days when I am stressed and have difficulty finding words or my mouth refuses to work. Reading also was affected. I read but by the time I turned the page, I had forgotten what I read. This did get better over time.

I could be angry at all the changes I experienced because of my stroke, but I never saw it as a negative. I looked at it as a chance to continue living with the “tap” on the shoulder to live healthier.

We as humans do not accept change with grace. Life is filled with change, it is inevitable so accept it and move ahead, you can’t go back.